God has put something on my heart and I just have to share! He told me be happy. Yes, that’s right he told me to be happy. You see I’ve been struggling with living or shall I say dying. I saw this poem the other day and from then my eyes have been opened.
First, I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. Then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow up. Then I was dying see them marry and have children. Then I was dying to retire. And now I’m dying, and I’m wishing I had lived.
This was essentially me in nutshell. I enjoyed high school but I was ready for college, for independence. Now, I’m in college and I am ready to graduate. In addition to that every time I get on social media someone I know is getting married/ engaged and here I am still single with all of this worldly pressure to be in a relationship. It stressed me out. Many times I found myself in tears asking God why am I still single and what do I need to do to prepare myself for that special someone you have planned for me? He answered, he’s been answering I just didn’t much care for the answer. His answer was “Be patient and wait on my timing.” But at 20 years of age I was tired of waiting! Then I saw that poem. It wasn’t the first time I had seen something like that. I had read Christians blogs on being single and using your singleness for God but this time something finally clicked and here is what I learned: It doesn’t matter what season of life your in your going to struggle and it is going to be stressful but how you handle that makes all of the difference.
At bible study we read the story in Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on water and saves the Disciples from the raging storm. The Disciples were worried and scared. They doubted their God was in control immediately after witnessing him feed 5 thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish! My eyes were opened. Here I am doubting that my God is in control after he just preformed so many amazing miracles in my life. I was just like the Disciples. Finally, things came into perspective. I wrote in my previous blog post Why I Don’t Mind Walking in the Rain that I had prayed for college and now I was wishing it away and here I am praying for a husband and I asked myself, “When things get tough in our marriage am I going to wish that away too?” and that was when I told myself it was time to make a change. It was time to give it all over to God. But you say, “I have done that and nothing has changed.” I said that to. I honestly thought I had, but when I finally gave it all to him, prayed, and trusted that he would answer those prayers in his own time it was like I was liberated. I am slowly learning what giving everything to God feels like. I can stress all I want but HE is the only one who has the power and wisdom to make things happen. I will patiently wait on a God whose knowledge is far greater than my own.
My boss recently asked me, “Are you happy?” I was somewhat taken aback by the question, he is an older man and I assumed he was just trying to make small talk and check in on me, but I unhesitatingly answered with a firm “YES!” As I went on about my day I mulled over that brief conversation and came to the realization that I am happy. I may have my struggles here and there but I am in fact happy. No doubt I have awesome God to thank for finally breaking through to my stubborn heart and opening my eyes to truly living and oh, how happy living for him can really be!
Isaiah 26:3-4 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”